Note: If you wish to use the following information, please refer back to http://www.collectiveunconscious.org/ All quotes by Maynard James Keenan, transcribed by: Galen (gaspcdz@yahoo.com). The following are quotes compiled from the year specified. All quotes are available throughout the site along with the corresponding setlists,recording info and other various information. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 2002 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Maynardism: "Thank you very much. We have a mission for you. We would like you to remember this feeling you have right now, whether you are having a good experience, a bad experience, it doesn't matter. Hang on to this emotion, hang onto this feeling & in the coming weeks, use this feeling to create something positive" Maynardism: "Thank you very much for coming. Think for yourself, question authority. Think for yourself, question authority. Think for yourself, question authority. Question authority. Think for yourself. Question authority..." Maynardism: "Thank you very much for coming down. We have something we'd like you to do. We'd like you to remember this feeling you're having tonight. Remember this feeling, take it home with you & in the coming weeks, use this feeling to create something positive" Maynardism: "This goes out to those who have reached the benefits of colonic-therapy" Maynardism: "This song is not about anal-sex" Maynardism: "Dale from the Melvins, thank you. Take a bow, Osseus rules. Take a bow" Maynardism: "We have something we would like you to help us with, if you could, help us find a serial killer So, if you could pull your fingers out, point them at the sky & then gradually point your finger back to the lighting booth, and on three I want you to say 'happy birthday you fucking serial killer'! Happy birthday junior, pretty soon they'll find the bodies & it'll be all over." Maynardism: "Not a jukebox, do not take quarters, thank you." Maynardism: "Good evening. It's come to our attention that we have the need to remind you where you are, in case you were, uh, decided to over do it with the Grateful Dead acid you've been hiding in your freezer...you are at a Tool show" Maynardism: "Good evening. Nice to meet you. For those of you who took a wrong turn, this is not a Britney Spears show. However, Adam's tits will increase & decrease in size, by all the heat. Just like young Britney" Maynardism: "Let's try something. In these difficult days, the world could use a boost. The world could use some healing so let's do our small part now. On three I want you to all say yes as loud as you can. 1, 2, 3." Maynardism: "We are N*Sync" Maynardism: "Good evening. For those of you who have over-indulged in hallucinogens, we find it necessary to remind you that you are at a Tool show - just in case you forgot. Everything's going to be just fine." Maynardism: "This is a song we don't normally do. It's a song about finding your way back home & we'd like to dedicate it to...Julian" Maynardism: "Thank you very much for your support. Hopefully, we have served as some form of catalyst for healing or inspiration. Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us. We would like you to hang onto this experience, hang onto this moment & in the coming weeks, coming months, coming years; using this moment we've shared to create something positive." Maynardism: "Thank you very much John, that was John from Pablo. Thank you very much for coming, thank you for your support. Happy birthday to Dan. Happy birthday to Dan. Happy birthday big asshole, happy birthday to Dan. Twenty-seven. 27. Twenty-seven, his shoes I mean, his shoes are 27" Maynardism: "Thank you John. John from Pablo on drums, thank you. Thank you very much for your support, we're hoping that we serve as a catalyst, uh, for inspiration or healiing or both. Especailly in these relatively dark times. Hopefully, the good guys will win & uh creativity will find it's place amongst all of this." Maynardism: "Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us.We are hoping that you all remember this feeling you are having, remember this experience...& in the coming weeks, coming months, the coming years; use this experience, good or bad, to create something positive." Maynardism: "Good evening. This is Tool. Hopefully, you've come equipped with an open mind & hopefully, more importantly, an open heart. You from America? As our representative here, you should probably be, uh, way cooler than you are being. Because you're embarressing us." Maynardism: "Thank you for sharing this moment with us. Our hope is that we have served as some form ot catalyst for inspiration or healing. And we would hope that you would walk away from this shared moment remembering this feeling you are having & in the coming weeks, the coming months, the coming years; use this feeling to create something positive" Maynardism: "Thank you John, from System Of A Down, for joining us. Thank you very much for sharing this moment with all of us. Hopefully, over the course of today, the musicians that you've heard/have witnessed, in some way inspired you or helped you heal in some way. Thank you for sharing this moment with us. Ozzy is up next" Maynardism: "Are you cold? You should stick your hands in someone else's pocket to warm things up" Maynardism: "Thank you John...John, System Of A Down. I don't want to be speaking out of turn, but I think I can say on behalf of System Of A Down & Slayer & all the other bands that played with us -- we really, really appreciate that you guys stuck around. Thank you very, very much. It just reminds us why we do this. Hopefully, something you've heard today will help you to inspire you to do something positive. See you again soon." Maynardism: "Thank you Dave, thank you Mike; Mike & Dave - the Thompson Twins. Apprarently, awaiting that call for the Prince reunion. Meanwhile. they've opened up an auto supply store in Encino called Pep-Boys. It's doling well for them. Always a pleasure, never a chore" Maynardism: "Thank you very much. We would like to thank you on behalf of ourselves & all the other bands today; Slayer, Tool, we appreciate that you still came even though Ozzy didn't show up. We appreciate that you came & stood in the rain to hear what we had to say. It's support like that that reminds us why we do this." Maynardism: "Thank you very much for your support. Sometimes, you lose sight of what it is why you do what it is you do. Then we come to a place like this, you remind us. Thank you very much" Maynardism: "Hopefully, you're experience here tonight was a positive one. We hope that you will take that positive energy home with you & create something positive - thank you." Maynardism: "Sacramento, huh? I don't know. Oaland was pretty enthusiastic. Why don't you show them who's boss. So, this is Sacramento?" Maynardism: "Los Angeles? That's funny, it doesn't sound like Los Angeles; it sounds more like Sacramento. So, is this or is this not Los Angeles?" Maynardism: "Apparently, El Paso is very enthusiastic. So... is El Paso enthusiastic?" Maynardism: "Hopefully, you'll take this experience home with you & create something positive with it. Thank you for coming." Maynardism: "Las Vegas? Are you sure?" Maynardism: "This song like all songs is about ass-sex" Maynardism: "Not really sure how many of you were converted on the way in..but, thought we would share our thoughts. In the beginning was the word & the word was love...which is unconditional, infinite & without judgment. Rest assured, our hearts are in the best place; we want the best for everyone. Infinite, unconditional, without judgment." Maynardism: "Tulsa? Tulsa? Are you sure?" Maynardism: "Austin. Supposedly, we are in Austin. It doesn't sound like Austin. Sounds more like Corpus Christi. So what is it...Austin? Maynardism: "Mike & John from Tomahawk. Thank you very much. They met because both of their Dad's were in Asia, the band, not the continent. Thank you for sharing this moment with us. Hopefully we've inspired you all to go home & have sex. You can start now if you'd like..." Maynardism: "Good evening. Thank you so much for sharing this moment with us." Maynardism: "Thank you for coming. Hopefully something you've witnessed here tonight has either inspiled -- or inspired you, healed you or in some way made you horny. I suggest you go home feeling good, write some poetry & have sex. Thank you." Maynardism: "Pensacola. Pensacola... that's better. For a second there, you sounded like Corpus Christi. But this is, in fact, Pensacola. I notice you still have your clothes on." Maynardism: "Good evening." Maynardism: "Thank you Mike, thank you John...the Thompson Twins. Both of which were the uh, the uh old guitar tech for Kurt Cobain. Actually, it's Mike & John from Tomahawk. Thank you for sharing this moment with us. Hopefully, something you've experienced here tonight has made you inspired and or healed and or horny. Hopefully, you'll take these feelings you are having right now & in the coming months, coming years, use these feelings to create something positive.Thank you very much." Maynardism: "Greenville. Are you awake?" Maynardism: "Richmond. Are you sure? Sounds more like Huntigton Beach, WV.So, is it Richmond or not?That's what I thought. See if this one fits..." Maynardism: "Baltimore. Baltimore. Are you sure?" Maynardism: "Hopefully, you'll leave here inspired, healed & horny." Maynardism: "We would like to thank the artist responsible for these wonderful pieces of art you see before you. His name is Alex Grey, thank you Alex. Everyone say 'thank you Alex'. Alex is responsible for our album cover artwork. Alex Grey. Thank you for sharing thsi moment with us tonight, hopefully, we've been some sort of catalyst for healing or inspiration. Hopefully, you'll leave here inspired, healed & horny. We suggest you go home & have sex. Thank you very much for sharing this time with us this evening." Maynardism: "Jersey? Sounds like New York. Is this Jersey or not?" Maynardism: "Good evening." Maynardism: "Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us." Maynardism: "Mike & John from Tomahawk. Congratulations to you Mike & John, they are the very first entrepanuers who were granted the privalege of opening a retail AmWay store. You can buy soap in a store rather than have some fat guy come to your door...knocking on your door. John & Mike's store, buy: soap, carwax & Chinese food. AmWay Chinese Food at Mike & John's. Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us. We hope that we have inspired you in some way. It is our hope that you will remember this feeling you've had all night & go take this feeling home in the coming months, coming years; use this feeling to create something positive. Of course this is in addition to getting naked & having sex." Maynardism: "Buffalo. We're gonna test your memory...give you a couple chances. 'Little Pig, Little Pig - Let Me In.' One more time, 'Little Pig, Little Pig - Let Me In.' " Maynardism: "Thank you very much, Mike & John from Tomahawk. Currently in Tomahawak, formerly of Power Rangers. Little known fact. Both Power Rangers also own a Chinese food & carwash in Riverside, CA. Doing very well. Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us. We hope that we have been some source of inspiration & or healing on some level & we hope that whatever feeling you are having tonight, from this experience, we would whope that you would take that feeling home with you & in the coming weeks, coming months & in the coming years, use that feeling to create something positive. Thank you very much." Maynardism: "Thank you very much for reminding us why we come to Canada." Maynardism: "We would like to take this time to apologize about our country. Sorry. Can we move here, is that ok?" Maynardism: "Mike & John from Tomahawk. Thank you very much, Mike & John; Tomahawk. As a side-not, we'd like to point out that not only are these guys innovative musicians, speaking of Tomahawk, they're also entrepanuers. They have opened up their own line of feminine hygiene products called Tamahawks. You can find them at your local 7-11 store open 24/7. Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us. We hope that something you've experienced here tonight will help you leave inspired, healed & or very horny. We suggest that you, go home, curl up in front of a nice fire, write some poetry & have sex. And as a bonus, you should invite someone over to have sex with you. Thank you for coming & thank you for showing up. Good night." Maynardism: "Round on the outside, high in the middle. Apparently Cleveland is a sleep. Round on the outside, high in the middle. It says here on the schedule that we're in Cleveland but I'm not convinced. It sounds more like Toledo. Or worse, Canton. Talbridge, Randolph, Spanoke? Cleveland!" Maynardism: "Cinci. Let's see if you can, um, keep up with Cleveland. Are you paying attention? One, two, three, four: Round on the outside, high in the middle. You failed miserably. Pay attention. Round on the outside, high in the middle. Fuckin' hell." Maynardism: "The pack is back. Are we in Green Bay or not? Sounds more like Milwaukee. So prove me wrong." Maynardism: "Minnessotta. Are you sure? Sounds more like Wisconsin. Well, step up - you are embarressing Kevin." Maynardism: "I wasn't going to take off my shirt but I saw some of you people getting nakes so I figured why not...feel free to continue" Maynardism: "Fucking Iowa. Specifically, Ames. Are you awake? Not convinced." Maynardism: "We would like to thank Tomahawk for doing this tour with us. Thank you guys, Kevin, Mike John & dorain from Tomahawk. This is the last show of this leg. Ready to go home & masturbate to Cinemax for about three weeks. I'm not going to even think once about your needs are for three weeks. I'm going to eat food & shit for three weeks. I'm going to lay back & have some fun for three weeks. Thank you very much for sharing this precious moment with us. Always a pleasure, never a chore. Make sure to tip your waitress on the way out. And remember, always know it's never...never, use a condom on the first date. Yes. See you on the other side." Maynardism: "Thank you very much Joe Paul. Joe Paul on drums. Joe Paul Slatey. Our resident psychic-foot masseus. Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us. We woudl hope that something you've experienced tonight will leave you inspired, healed on some level or perhaps very, very horny. We would sugest we take these feelings home with you & in the coming months, coming years use these feelings to create something positive. In the meantime, travel home safely. Put in a copy of Calligula. Sit yourself beside a nice fire. Masturabate & write poetry. You know, things like that. Have a nice masturbate, thank you very much." Maynardism: "Seattle. Seeee-atle. Are you sure? Maynardism: "Edmonton. Ed-mon-ton. Are you sure?" Maynardism: "Drummer, drum-tech & resident psychic. Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us tonight. What we'd like you to do is, to remember this moment, remember the feelings you had tonight, whether you had a good experience, a bad experience or an indifferent experience is irrelevant. Just remember this feeling & in the coming weeks, coming months & the coming years, use this feeling to create something positive. Use this feeling to heal someone else. Thank you for joining us." Maynardism: "Good evening. Billings, Tool. Tool, Billings." Maynardism: "Rapid City. Are you sure? Sounds more like Des Moine. Try again...Radid City? Maynardism: "Think for yourself, question authority. Think for yourself....question authority." Maynardism: "Congratulations to the Make A Wish Foundation winners: Gustav & Thomas of Meshuggah. Thank you Meshuggah. Thank you very much for sharing this moment with us. We hope that something you've experienced tonight will leave you inspired and/or healed or else very, very, very horny. We suggest that you take this feeling home with you, curl up in front of a fireplace with a copy of Caligula & have sex. We would also suggest you bring someone home to have sex with. Thank you for coming and thank you for having arrived. We will see you, somewhere, on the other side. Thank you very much." Maynardism: "We were told that this is Colorad Springs, is that true? Well it...it sounds like Denver to me. Are you sure you are Colorado Springs? We noticed that you still had your clothes on...that's a problem." Maynardism: "Sioux Falls. Sioux Falls, Tool. Tool, Sioux Falls. Nice to meet you." Maynardism: "Thank you very much for your support. Every now & then, you get caught up in your, daily routine. You let the bullshit get to you. And you lose track of why it is you do what it is you do & we would liek to thank you for reminding us why we do this. Thank you very much." Maynardism: "Think for yourself, question authority. Question authority. Question authority. Think for yourself and question authority." Maynardism: "Kalamazoo? Sounds mre like Grand Rapids. Kalamazoo...interesting." Maynardism: "Rumor has it that we are in Erie, is that true? Are you sure?" Maynardism: "Good evening. Nice to meet you." Maynardism: "Amherst. Un-acceptable. Amherst. Third times a charm... Amherst." Maynardism: "Augusta? Hmm. Well, Lewiston has you beat so far. Augusta? I'll give you one more chance. Augusta?" Maynardism: "Thank you very much for your support. And now, a word from our sponsor." Maynardism: "Long Island. Happy Halloween. Hello? Just checking." Maynardism: "I suggest you travel safely home, look after your brother and sister...and when you get home---bust out the hand lotion & masturbate yourself into delerium." Maynardism: "Roanoke. You don't sound too sure. Well, anyway, nice to meet you. This is another song." Maynardism: "Knoxville. you don't sound very sure about that. Let me see all your hands so I can be sure all you guys have thumbs....good, we can proceed." Maynardism: "Good evening. Talla-Hassee. We would like to sarcastically & reluctantly extend a hand of congratulations to Jeb. Surely all those donations from the KKK, NAMBLA & Hooters have payed off. This is Tallahassee right? I'm not convinced." Maynardism: "San Antonio. You don't sound so sure..." Maynardism: "Good evening. Y'all plan on having fun tonight, right? We probably should make some kind of distinction. What kind of fun we're gonna have tonight. Not like WWF or monster truck kind of fun. And not like Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock kind of fun. The difference being we don't underestimate your intelligence. We're going to have informed, intelligent, inspired, think for yourself - question authoroty kind of fun, yes? Having said that..." Maynardism: "Good evening Albuquerque. I assume you are here tonight to have some fun. If I may make a distinction about what kind of fun we are going to have. We are not going to have the Monster Truck Rally, WWF fun. We are not going to have the MTV Spring Break dry hump, Limp Bizkit kind of fun because we are not going to underestimate your intelligence. We are going to have intelligent fun, we are going to have compassionate fun, creative fun, we are going to have dangerous fun." Maynardism: "Phoenix. You don't sound so sure. I assume you here to have fun. Allow us ot clarify what kind of fun. Not the WWF Monster Truck Rally kind of fun, not the Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock -- Cool Party kind of fun...because here... we are not going to underestimate your intelligence. The fun we are going to have tonight is the intelligent kind of fun, the compassionate kind of fun, the think-for-yourself, question-authority kind of fun. The kind of fun that drives Republicans nuts -- the dangerous fun. Are you ready?" Maynardism: "We are recording tonight, so you may want to make some more noise than that." Maynardism: "Good evening. San Diego? You don't sound so sure. I assume, you are here to have fun. Allow us to clarify what kind of fun we mean. We dont mean the WWF, MTV, dry-hump, dumb shits gone, wild beach party kind of fun. We dont mean the Limp Dipshit Kid Rock kind of fun either. Because we are not going to underestimate your intelligence. The fun tonight will be intelligent fun, compassionate fun, creative fin, the kind of fun that is think for yourself question authority kind of fun. The kind of fun that drives republicans nuts." Maynardism: "Good eveing Fresno. Fresno? Fresno? Fresno? You don't sound too convinced. Let's begin, shall we?" Maynardism: "Good evening Reno. Are you ready to have some fun? Well, let me clarify what we mean by fun. Not the WWF, Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock kind of fun. Not the MTV dry-humping, effects gone wild beach party kind of fun. Because we are not going to underestimate your intelligence. We're gonna have intelligent fun, compassionate fun, think-for-yourself-question-authority kind of fun. The kind of fun that drives Republicans crazy. Lots of fun. Are you ready?" Maynardism: "Thank you Meshuggah - thank you very much. It's been a wonderful tour, lucky to have you. We'd like to thank our crew - couldnt've done it without you, thank you very much. Tomorrow, however, you're all fired. Take a vacation. Thank you, all for sharing this moment with us. We hope that something you've witnessed here tonight will leave you inspired on some level, or serve as a catalyst tha little extra spark that you needed to realize & pursue your dreams. To follow your bills. To take risks. To remember what it means to communicate with each other to make big things happen. We have a challenge for you. We challenge you to make us obsolete, we embrace the idea of becoming dinosaurs & a new wave of inspired new musicians & a new generation. Something that we just turn our heads and make us proud. Make daddy proud, that's our challenge from us. Thank you very much." _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________